I Thought I Was Safe: On Job Security

I thought I was safe, I had a permanent position at an NGO, something that hardly ever happens. NGO’s often offer contract positions, hardly ever permanent. So I thought I’d made it, I’d done everything right, went to varsity, completed two degrees, did an internship to gain experience, so when I landed it, I thought I’ve achieved the goal, that is the goal isn’t it, then we live happily ever after. And so we have been told.

Told again, in a meeting, we had only a month before we lose our jobs, compensation being a months salary in addition to our final pay. We were no longer needed. They said the company has run low on funds, therefore have to let of people, we were the ones chosen as sacrificial lambs, to save the rest of the crew, we were the most dispensable, the least significant. Wait, what just happened, I thought permanent meant long lasting, forever, until death do us apart, this was only after a year and a half. Our permanent cannot be that short. I must have missed something.
You see, management changed, resources were abused, stories were fabricated to put a veil over donors heads and they were found out, they pulled out and the organisation went bankrupt, they had no choice but to let go of us, they couldn’t afford us anymore, they threw us out to the cold. We paid the price for the unethical conduct of our managers who merely cared more for their own pockets than for the rest of us. How could I have done it, put my trust in the hands of a stranger, who valued other things more than my happiness? So I paid the price, I lost my job, my lifestyle was threatened, and a searing pain tormented me, keeping me awake at night, running all over town like a mad woman trying to fix this problem, trying to get my life back on track.

I was jobless for a week, and then offered another permanent position by another NGO, what are the odds, I thought the Gods were really on my side, they wanted me to enjoy the pleasure of this world. Only the scales tipped again. In a meeting, those god-damned meetings, the director announced that the company is in deficit, we will have to go without annual increases and bonuses until a solution is found. Eight months later, they tell us, they’ll be retrenching.
Why am I not shocked by these news? Because the alarm bells rang the minute he said, the company had no money, I knew those words very well, I was reliving my past, therefore I knew what would follow. That very same day, I got infront of the computer, searched endlessly for a safe passage. I applied for jobs, went to endless interviews, eventually, after 8 months of job searching, I landed a great position, I handed in my resignation, and served my tem, a week before I leave, they deliver these news. They tell us, it has been confirmed, they will be retrenching, they are working on selecting staff members that will go, and everyone was at risk, except me, because I was already on my way to greener pastures.
Everyone said I was the lucky one, because I knew I was safe. But the truth is, it had nothing to do with luck. Experience is the best teacher. They thought I was having a panic attack when I took the whole week of sick leave, after I heard the news. Perhaps they were right, because I saw the past replaying itself and I didn’t want to be caught in the net again. I was sick inside out because I knew that they had to be another way, that the fate of my life ought to be in my own hands, therefore cannot be blown by the winds to every direction. I needed to start taking charge of my life, lest I suffer the consequences of giving your personal power to another, the loss, I experienced before. They thought I was exaggerating, when I came back and told them my evidence based predictions, and thought me unstable when I searched for a job every chance I got, exhausted my leave days going to interviews and staying at home to centre myself and renew my strength to continue finding ways to create my safe passage.

Some looked at me with adoration, my desire to pave a better path, free of uncertainty, fear and disempowerment. They looked at me and forgot to look at themselves, they thought I was creating a problem, they didn’t realise that they too were in a sinking ship, and now 8 months after alerts, they wallow, only its 8 months too late. Who could have known, they mutter amongst themselves, who could see the future? They should have known, I knew the possibility and I informed them. They just didn’t want to listen, those who listened either couldn’t understand or didn’t want to accept. Perhaps they didn’t want to experience the agony, anger, pain, disappointment I was experiencing and exhibiting without shame. Perhaps they didn’t want to work hard, because they saw that with a conviction to take charge of your life, you have to work hard to make it happen. Perhaps it seemed like an unnecessary struggle based on an unreliable prediction, only they were procrastinating the inevitable. Was I really the only one that knew that when the boat sank, I didn’t want to be in it? Perhaps not, because I was the forth person to live, in our office and many a few others in other offices had handed in their resignation before  the announcement, I was not the only one who chose to get on the roller coaster whilst the carnival still stands and jump off to safety. It was necessary and far better than paddling in dark waters, trying not to drown, fighting to save your life as you know it.

Can we blame these organisations? I don’t see why, only perhaps for promising what they cannot deliver, offering us permanent jobs where there is no guarantee of permanence. Even the life span of an NGO is deemed quite short, very few make it to 50 years, let alone 100 or more years. It is the way of life, impermanence, the ebb and flows of energies, even the life of a household sometimes have good times and other times the household goes through months of drought, sacrifices have to be made, and resources have to be managed appropriately. In really dark times, households sell their assets, the cars, jewellery, etc, and sometimes, they disconnect the internet, or DSTV for they cannot afford it. In the working industry humans are the assets and resources, we are the disposable ones.  So permanent really means “we will keep you as long as we want, as long as we can afford you, other than that, we cannot promise anything’ That is the honest truth, hard to accept, especially since people dedicate their lives to these organisations, but it is every individual's responsibility to know what they are getting themselves into, should they choose to sign their name on the dotted line.
Perhaps it is about time we re-educated ourselves about the reality our generation is facing in the working world. The position that rescued me was not permanent, thank God, I don’t think I was going to be able to stand going into another lie. It’s very much a contract and I’m glad that they made it clear and I know with no doubt that I cannot depend on this organisation, therefore very aware that I’m responsible for creating my safety. Perhaps if from the beginning, instead of going to school to get a job, I went to school to learn the skills to create a good life for myself I would have been prepared for what I got. Perhaps instead of going to work to earn money and retire, we went to work to learn the skills and systems that will help to keep our boat afloat whatever the situation, perhaps the news of retrenchments would not feel like a sharp knife stabbing into the soft fabric of our happiness, ripping it asunder. Perhaps it's about time we re-inforce the truth in ourselves, the truth of nature, that nothing is permanent, we are in a constant state of flux and therefore learn methods of adaptability, become more like nature to create harmony in our lives. We need to equip ourselves with the relevant tools: skills, knowledge, systems, resources, to be able to create the lives we want, lest we find ourselves drowning for our lack of paddling, or end up wasting an inconsiderable amount of time and energy trying to keep our head above the water as we wait in a hope that someone will come rescue us. All the while wishing we knew better, or regretably cursing the fact that this could have been prevented, if only adequate attention was paid to it, to everything that was happening around us.
Without experience, all you have to go by are the words of those who have experienced. It’s a battle field out there, everywhere. Ready your soldiers, potions and spells, Spirits, Gods and Goddesses, your survival depends on how you use them, not necessarily on how they use you. God speed.